What is Emotional Intelligence?
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Transcript
Emotional intelligence is learning how to be smart about your feelings. It's learning how to use them wisely in the service of your goals. So it's not just about knowing what you feel.
It's about being able to understand and then manage-- we use the word "manage" or "regulate" emotions rather than "control," because often it's about initiating an emotion, like you're depressed, you don't want to get out of bed. How do you regulate your emotions? How do you manage your emotions so that you can give yourself more energy, so you can find that energy, so you can get out of bed and go to that interview?
We have a term at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. And the term is, "be an emotion scientist." So an emotion scientist is curious and open. But anything you're feeling, without judgment, it's OK. All feelings are welcome. No judgment.
And if you have that mindset, and then you also have the skills of emotional intelligence where you're beginning to recognize a weight. When I feel that weird feeling in my stomach, it usually means I'm anxious, and pay attention to that, and what do I understand about that? Well, who was I just with? I was just with that really judgmental friend. Or I was just on that interview, and I know that person has no clue about my abilities.
And what are the consequences of that? Well, when I experience that, I kind of shut down. Well, maybe I don't have to do that. So in some way, helping yourself to be on the course of self-study so that you're watching yourself in relation to your activities.
You're connecting your activities and your emotions. And you're beginning to make sense out of out of all. Well, that doesn't make me feel good. That makes me feel good.
Sometimes when people have been through a really tough time and I'm working with them in my therapy practice, I will say, you have a really simple thing to ask yourself. Do I like it? Do I not like it? If I like it, I'm going to do more of it. If I don't like it, I'm not doing it anymore. And just, again, be gentle with yourself.
One of the biggest messages that I want to leave people with is just to be kind to yourself. We, none of us, really are as much as we need to be. And when you've been through an experience that you feel sets you apart, you live with that. You walk through the world with that. And you feel isolated and alone often because you know that no one else has had that experience.
So of course, you gravitate to people who have had it, and that's a wonderful thing. It helps you build resilience. It helps you heal. But there are also pathways to let people in-- people who haven't had that experience-- to let them know who you are.
And people want to be seen and heard. We all do. And if you think about emotions as information, then you're a student of yourself all the time. And you're learning.
It's about being able to understand and then manage-- we use the word "manage" or "regulate" emotions rather than "control," because often it's about initiating an emotion, like you're depressed, you don't want to get out of bed. How do you regulate your emotions? How do you manage your emotions so that you can give yourself more energy, so you can find that energy, so you can get out of bed and go to that interview?
We have a term at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. And the term is, "be an emotion scientist." So an emotion scientist is curious and open. But anything you're feeling, without judgment, it's OK. All feelings are welcome. No judgment.
And if you have that mindset, and then you also have the skills of emotional intelligence where you're beginning to recognize a weight. When I feel that weird feeling in my stomach, it usually means I'm anxious, and pay attention to that, and what do I understand about that? Well, who was I just with? I was just with that really judgmental friend. Or I was just on that interview, and I know that person has no clue about my abilities.
And what are the consequences of that? Well, when I experience that, I kind of shut down. Well, maybe I don't have to do that. So in some way, helping yourself to be on the course of self-study so that you're watching yourself in relation to your activities.
You're connecting your activities and your emotions. And you're beginning to make sense out of out of all. Well, that doesn't make me feel good. That makes me feel good.
Sometimes when people have been through a really tough time and I'm working with them in my therapy practice, I will say, you have a really simple thing to ask yourself. Do I like it? Do I not like it? If I like it, I'm going to do more of it. If I don't like it, I'm not doing it anymore. And just, again, be gentle with yourself.
One of the biggest messages that I want to leave people with is just to be kind to yourself. We, none of us, really are as much as we need to be. And when you've been through an experience that you feel sets you apart, you live with that. You walk through the world with that. And you feel isolated and alone often because you know that no one else has had that experience.
So of course, you gravitate to people who have had it, and that's a wonderful thing. It helps you build resilience. It helps you heal. But there are also pathways to let people in-- people who haven't had that experience-- to let them know who you are.
And people want to be seen and heard. We all do. And if you think about emotions as information, then you're a student of yourself all the time. And you're learning.